Guide to Spotting An Asskisser (The WTF Strategy)

Please step away from the Inflated Dream Machine... 

    Defined by Dictionary.com, asskissing is:
The practice of attempting to curry favor by excessive use of compliments or praise.

But what is it really and how can you discern a genuine comment from a good ole’puckered asskissing?

    An asskisser always has a motive that benefits them. There is usually a sense of desperation surrounding this. They do what they do because they want and need a certain response or want to influence your future behavior. They are more likely to only say positive things. This is not the kind of friend that will let you know when you’re messing up. It can be really tricky, because you want positive people in your life, but is this person inspiring, or influencing you? Are the results positive, or do you just feel like you’re right about everything?  And most importantly, do they want something from you? Is a compliment often followed with a subtle request?

    I’m going to break it down for you with something I created called the WTF Strategy. Because that’s what you’re usually thinking after someone has manipulated you…WTF just happened!? With this simple method, you can prevent that exclamation and guard against manipulation.

    W is for WHY. Why do people kiss ass? The answer is simple: To get something. This may be money related, self-affirmation, a free service, to get you to ‘fall in love with them’, or just simply to take your guard down- prepping you for future requests.

    T is for TIMING. Be wary of the timing. We are likely to be most agreeable when our minds are less alert. This includes times like early in the morning, and when you are tired in the evening/night. If you’re tired it’s okay to say, “Can I get back to you later on this?” If the person becomes nervous or heated in response to your reasonable request, that’s a sure fire sign that their interaction was not of the noble graces.

    F is for FAKE. We all have gut instincts. Listen to them. Do you ever get the feeling that something is just not right about someone?  What they’re saying may sound nice, even be true, but something about the delivery is off? Trust that. Genuine expressions can be FELT and there is no question about them. If you are unsure of someone’s motives, this may very well be for a reason. I’m not telling you to walk around like a paranoid android, but be alert. Trust your instincts. And approach people openly with a positive attitude.

    At the end of the day, “Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.” – Lao Tzu

People’s intentions DO surface. You can only hide who you are for so long. Do give everyone a break, even if you do figure out their ‘true intentions’. Half of the people aren't even aware of their own insincerity. Or you can just scream WTF in their face (WHY TIMING FAKE!?) and run off. It’s totally up to you! 

The Nicest Way to Say: FUCK YOU. (A Synopsis of Mercury in Retrograde)

    Tales and Tails: 

    What is MIR? It’s a cosmic prank that lasts for almost a full month in its traditional period, and even longer if you include Mercury’s shadow (leftovers from the carnage shed). Have you been feeling a little ‘off’ lately? Communication issues? Travel issues? Love issues? Is your mind starting to feel like a rotten grape swimming in a fish bowl? Then you, my friend, may be a victim, or honorary member (depending on your viewpoint) of Miss MIR. 

    This month, yet again, Mercury debuts in a water sign. Personal anthems for the month may include songs like, “Cry Me a River”, “Under the Sea” and “Sittin’ on the Dock of the Bay.” Prince Pisces is here this month to drown us in dreams. This is a particularly challenging placement for MIR because it clouds the conscious reality. You may feel moments of confusion, despair, destruction, and then surprising undertones of euphoria. All of this watery goodness combined with Saturn in Scorpio is meant to push us towards our dreams and life purposes in the goriest of ways, to rub our faces in the mud to the point that we cannot deny our aspirations. We are forced to break the ties that no longer serve us, and to forge new paths. The cosmic reality will kill us, so that we can be reborn unto ourselves. In this kind of setting your desperation will outweigh your fears as you are inspired to break free of the things that hold you back.

     See, mercury isn't all bad! But we never loved discomfort, did we? My best advice is to silently observe what is happening within and around you. People will be acting out of sorts. You DON’T have to be one of them. Don’t make any rash decisions that you will immediately act on. Create concrete thoughts and visions to act on once the storm has passed and you are back to feeling level on the shoreline. Mercury is kind of like the big brother you never wanted but always needed, the one that beat the crap out of you when you were little, but always had your back when someone picked a fight with you. Mercury wants what’s best for you. Will you be bold enough to embrace Mercury’s strong arm, or will you sink down to the ocean floor?